{"id":454,"date":"2006-04-16T15:57:28","date_gmt":"2006-04-16T14:57:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/?p=454"},"modified":"2018-06-23T17:41:16","modified_gmt":"2018-06-23T16:41:16","slug":"454","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/?p=454","title":{"rendered":"\u00d6zl\u00fcyorum \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumu"},"content":{"rendered":"

Merhaba \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, sanad\u0131r bu mektubum. <\/strong>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Seni \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum. Denenmi\u015f her \u015feye ra\u011fmen \u00e7aresiz ve sessizce. K\u0131z\u0131yorum sonra sana, ac\u0131yorum. O kadar tutkuyla ba\u011fl\u0131, o kadar vefayla sad\u0131k olmama ra\u011fmen, gidip d\u00f6nmeyi\u015fine k\u0131z\u0131yorum. \u00c7ok ani oldu, \u00e7ok vakitsiz, \u00e7ok gizemli. Bir veda bile etmedin ki. Hen\u00fcz buna bir isim bulma kavgas\u0131ndayken, terk edildi\u015fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Bu sevgiye, bu ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131\u011fa kendini lay\u0131k g\u00f6remedi\u011fin i\u00e7in ac\u0131yorum sana. 1950 Y\u0131l\u0131nda ailemin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 olarak d\u00fcnyaya geldim. Hemde Anne ve Babam\u0131n k\u0131z \u00e7ocuk hayallerini parampar\u00e7a ederek. Ben pek hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131ma kadar annem beni k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu gibi giydirirmi\u015f. Rahmetli Dedem kendi ad\u0131n\u0131 Ezanla okumu\u015f kula\u011f\u0131ma; Mehmet Tevfik, bu sebepten dolay\u0131 olsa gerek Annem ve Babam dedemin sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc Mehmet ve ya Tevfik olarak \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ramam\u0131\u015flar beni. Dedemin yan\u0131nda Memo\u015f derlermi\u015f bu adla \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131lmaya okadar \u00e7ok al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f\u0131mki birisi Mehmet veya Tevfik olarak ad\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6ylese d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakmazm\u0131\u015f\u0131m.\"\"<\/a> \u00dc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131mdayken Dedemin \u00dcsk\u00fcdardaki evine yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir bayram ziyaretinde beni alarak Yeni mahalledeki berber Manola g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 kestirdi\u011fini anlat\u0131rlar; \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f ve a\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Omuzlar\u0131mdan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 d\u00f6k\u00fclen l\u00fcle l\u00fcle sa\u00e7lar\u0131m kolal\u0131 kurdelemi hi\u00e7 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum sadece resimlerde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum kendimi\u2026 Hat\u0131rlad\u0131k\u00e7a seni, imrendi\u011fim de oluyor. Hani yeni al\u0131nan bir oyunca\u011fa kan\u0131p, daha \u00f6nce al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f b\u00fct\u00fcn oyuncaklar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rd\u0131n ya. Zaten sadece bir \u00e7ocuk yeni bir oyuncak al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kendisine, eskisini g\u00f6z\u00fc g\u00f6rmez olur. Zaten de\u011fer bilmezlik \u00e7ocuklara \u00f6zg\u00fcd\u00fcr. Bunu en g\u00fczelinden, en uysal\u0131ndan ya\u015fayabiliyordun. Oysa ben, seninle oldu\u011fum g\u00fcnler gibi bir\u00e7ok kez hayat\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131f\u0131rlamay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Her\u015feyi y\u0131k\u0131p yeniden ba\u015flamak; al\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131, duygular\u0131m\u0131, hayat\u0131ma e\u015flik eden her objeyi, her nesneyi, her bireyi tamamen de\u011fi\u015ftirmek.<\/p>\n

\u00d6yle pek fazla oyunca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z zaten yoktu a\u011fbimlerden kalan kur\u015fun askerler arkada\u015flar aras\u0131nda oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z misketlerim, kafa kar\u0131\u015f gibi oyunlar\u0131 \u00a0hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Arkada\u015flarla oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yakar top, saklamba\u00e7 gibi oyunlar\u00a0 hayal mayal belle\u011fimde duruyor hala.Arada s\u0131rada k\u0131zlarla sek sek oynam\u0131\u015f, ip atlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda olmu\u015ftur muhakkak.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

D\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131mdayd\u0131m unutmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m an\u0131lar\u0131mdan biri olarak anlatabilirim; Babam siyah bir jip getirmi\u015fti ileri geri ittirilen pedalla \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu farlar\u0131 bile yan\u0131yordu Evimizin bulundu\u011fu sokak Tepek\u00f6yde Nevruz\u00a0 Mevki\u00a0 soka\u011f\u0131 ba\u015ftan sona beton d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fc, \u00a0burada jipime binebiliyordum. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumdan hat\u0131rlad\u0131klar\u0131m hep benim i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00f6zel olanlard\u0131 Alt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m ilkokula ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131m y\u0131l Babam\u0131n eve getirdi\u011fi \u00a0Tay benim i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00f6zeldi; Ad\u0131n\u0131 Atlas koyduk annesi \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f ve arka bah\u00e7emizde Babam\u0131n yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir barakada kal\u0131yordu \u015ei\u015fe biberonla besliyor t\u00fcm g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc onun yan\u0131nda ge\u00e7iriyordum. Denize falan ka\u00e7mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in kap\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcndeki \u00e7am a\u011fac\u0131na zincirlerle ba\u011flam\u0131yorlard\u0131 art\u0131k beni.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Ama insan deneyimlerini de\u011fi\u015ftiremez ki. \u0130nsan, deneyimlerinin \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcd\u00fcr hatta. Ve ben her g\u00fcnden, her do\u011fan yeni g\u00fcne do\u011fru s\u00fcr\u00fckleniyorum sadece. \u0130\u015fte bu noktada imreniyorum sana. Erdemli olmal\u0131y\u0131m, yapam\u0131yorum senin gibi. Beynimde ard\u0131 ard\u0131na soru i\u015faretleri \u00e7o\u011fal\u0131yor sonra. \u00d6r\u00fcmcek a\u011f\u0131n\u0131 olu\u015fturmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yor \u00a0ves vese. Hep bir zan alt\u0131nda kalmak, hep bir ahmakl\u0131k. Acaba benimleyken beni hep denedin mi? Sana diyorum \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, yan\u0131mdayken hep kulland\u0131n m\u0131 beni?<\/p>\n

Bu mevcut halime sen mi s\u00fcr\u00fckledin acaba?<\/p>\n

Sa\u00e7mal\u0131yorum galiba. Bo\u015f ver, bo\u015f ver s\u00f6ylediklerimi. Seni sorgulayaca\u011f\u0131ma, seni sana \u015fikayet edece\u011fime, ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz g\u00fczel an\u0131lar\u0131 yazmal\u0131y\u0131m sana. Tellere tak\u0131lan u\u00e7urtmam\u0131z\u0131, nur y\u00fczl\u00fc babaannemi anlatmal\u0131y\u0131m. \"\"<\/a>Biliyor musun? Sen gidince Atlas\u2018 ta gitti, babaannem de beni terk etti. Bildi\u011fim masallarda \u00a0kayboldunuz. Sanki, yer yar\u0131ld\u0131 da i\u00e7inde yok oldunuz. \u00c7ok sonralar\u0131 babaannemin durumundan haberdar oldum. Babam anlatt\u0131 bana. Babaannem u\u00e7ma\u011fa varm\u0131\u015f. Hatta mezar\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler beni. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcyormu diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm\u00a0 Fakat\u00a0 senden hi\u00e7bir iz kalmam\u0131\u015f. Teker teker okudum mezarl\u0131ktaki ta\u015flar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f isimleri. Benim ad\u0131mda yaz\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131 ama ben biliyordum ben de\u011fildim; Dedemdi orada yatan. Daha sonralar\u0131 sen terkettin onlar\u0131 en sevdi\u011finr akada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131;istemi\u2019yi, Bumin\u2019i, Nesrin\u2019i, \u0130rfan, Nur, \u00d6mer, Ha\u00e7ik, Hasan ve daha nicelerini. Erkan, Engin, Esin, Fikret, Maki, Niki asl\u0131nda onlarda teketmi\u015flerdi Memo\u015fu hemde bir veda bile etmeden,\u00a0 \u00f6\u011frenemeden sebebini.! Ge\u00e7en sabah i\u00e7im ge\u00e7mi\u015f, yine hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. Vurdum duymazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyi\u015fini hatta h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra a\u011flamalar\u0131n\u0131. Bazen seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum. \u015e\u0131mar\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bile bu g\u00fcn \u00e7ok sempatik g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor g\u00f6z\u00fcme. G\u00f6zlerim doluyor ama akmad\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcme, a\u011flayamad\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7imden bir ses ay\u0131pl\u0131yordu belki seni . Yok, yok! \u0130tiraf etmeliyim. \u0130\u00e7imdeki ses de\u011fildi ay\u0131playan, sadece basit bir sesten ibaretti. Tamda beni terketti\u011fin, bir daha geri d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fini s\u00f6ylemeden, en ufak bir haber vermeden gidi\u015findi. Ne kadar \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim seni, ne mektuplar yazd\u0131m g\u00f6ndermek i\u00e7in adresine.Bir adresinin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda k\u0131z\u0131yor,\u00f6fkeleniyordum kendime. D\u00f6rt elle sar\u0131ld\u0131m,senden sonra daha yeni kayna\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m ergenli\u011fime.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Merhaba \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, sanad\u0131r bu mektubum. Seni \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum. Denenmi\u015f her \u015feye ra\u011fmen \u00e7aresiz ve sessizce. K\u0131z\u0131yorum sonra sana, ac\u0131yorum. O kadar tutkuyla ba\u011fl\u0131, o kadar vefayla sad\u0131k olmama ra\u011fmen, gidip d\u00f6nmeyi\u015fine k\u0131z\u0131yorum. \u00c7ok ani oldu, \u00e7ok vakitsiz, \u00e7ok gizemli. Bir … Okumaya devam et →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/454"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=454"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/454\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":460,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/454\/revisions\/460"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=454"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=454"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/xn--bykadada-65ab.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=454"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}